~Howl~

Hello and welcome!
I wanted to start doing something that mattered. I want to make people smile, and in some way help someone feel more at peace, love themself, get back to nature, learn to let it go, or see beauty in something they may have overlooked.  With that in mind I want to keep this a no judgement zone. These are my ideas, my feelings, and my outlook. If you don't agree I accept that and respect your feelings. There will be no shaming! My zen may not be your zen and that's a beautiful thing.  We are all human and we evolve and grow to better ourselves. 

I wanted to start off with a little background on how I got to this place where I want to share with the world a little of my life. I've spent most of  my life so far very concerned with what people think of me, and trying my hardest to be perfect in every situation. It's very stressful.  I've wanted so badly to meet everyone's expectations of me.  I held on to every comment and every negative opinion and experience.  I held on to the past and let it define me. I feared the future and mistakes I hadn't yet made.  Even when happy, I had a little of my own voice saying, whispering. What if you fail?  Don't mess up. Don't get your hopes up. 

 I didn't love myself. The thoughts I was having are poison. The trickiest part was that they were always there. When things went wrong little by little I surrendered to the negative voice. And it got louder, more frequently speaking, and said far nastier things.
I let that fear destroy me.

The negative thoughts had won. It was a very dark place. I gave up internally.  I feared myself in a way no one ever should  I  had shoved myself down to the lowest place. I thought less than nothing of myself.  One day it just happened. I got fed up with hearing myself  throw negative rocks. I came to a point where I recognized the self -harm in my head was far more destructive then anything.
  I let it go. I rolled the windows down, I felt the wind on my face and in my hair. I turned my face to the moon and howled. Howled. Literally; loudly. I heard the voice again.  Are you insane? What if someone hears you? I took a breath and howled even louder. Who cares? Hear me! Hear that I am outside in the middle of the night howling at the moon like a crazy person. I don't care.  Laugh at me.
I am free now.
Is it crazy? Merriam-Webster says that of a dog or a  wolf howling is to make a long, loud cry that sounds sad.  Sad? No. I wasn't howling to express sadness, It was a release, of all my anxiety, of all my stress, and most importantly it was a declaration of my freedom from those feelings.  Another definition is to cry out loudly and without restraint under strong impulse.  That's it exactly.  Without restraint.  That's how I plan on living.

Howl with me!